[Review] Seven Pirates H - Nintendo Switch

Developed By: Idea Factory, Compile Heart, Felistella
Published By: Eastasiasoft
Categories: RPG
Release Date: 05.12.22

I’ve finally done it. I am playing an Idea Factory/Compile Heart game, and I am not proud of it. Though upon further research the development team Felistella is comprised of the team who made the Summon Night games, consider me intrigued.

My hope was misplaced. What I have dug into is bottom of the barrel weeb trash, all wrapped in a surprisingly good presentation bow. Seven Pirates H is a port of a Vita game, which is the fourth in the Genkai Tokki series, home to Monster Monpiece and the two Moero titles. If you’re not familiar with these games, just remember that Monster Monpiece was the game where you used the Vita touch screen to “Extreme Rub” and remove clothing.

With Seven Pirates H, the mechanic that is questionable is “Booby Training” Yes, with the Switch’s touch screen you can move, massage, and slap around the breasts of the girls in your party. This is how you mess around with your stats. To keep it simple, big boobs means you’re stronger, smaller boobs means you’re faster. They do explain everything in grueling detail, but it still took me a few times to get the perfect training right. I didn’t want to make them *too* big or lower other stats.

When not groping anime girls, you’ll be enjoy very basic JRPG fights. Attack, wait, special attack, oh hey the girl is aroused now. Some special moves require a level of arousal. Otherwise, you just get a quick animation of the girl fondling themselves. Fights are brainless and animations aren’t very well, varied. Outside of getting crafting items and the needed items for Booby Training, there is little point to fighting.

Pay attention to Booby Kin! They’re everywhere, they want things from you, and they have nipple heads! Consider these little fellows your sidequest givers. They give plenty of hints too. All you gotta do is find them when they’re missing and do stuff for them. Then perhaps they might join you and assist in battles.

If there’s one thing Seven Pirates H has going for it, it’s the presentation. At a surface level at least. You’d really never tell this was a Vita game upscaled. The models look nice, the game is incredibly colorful on top of that. Cute character designs to top it all off. The one tell it’s a Vita game originally is the cutscenes. They’re very plain, just the models and text. Everything is voiced at least. The game’s animations are Pokemon levels of reused and poor too. The music is at the very least fantastic, some real good stuff here. Don’t mind me as I’ll listen to it on youtube later.

Unfortunately, you’re not going to find anything revolutionary here with the gameplay. This is by far the most bog standard RPG I have ever played. Fights aren’t exactly exciting to do. Sidequests are collect this, collect that, and it feels like it could move ever so faster. It works, it’s not remotely noteworthy, but I know that’s not the reason people play these games. It passes as an avenue to go from one boob joke to the next.

If you really like anime Monstergirl boobs, this game is for you. If you don’t, you’ll probably find this game embarrassing. I like anime fanservice enough, but if the game hosting it doesn’t have much else of worth, then I can’t really care. Seven Pirates is not a bad game though, at all. Just middling. But at least it has good music.