Developed By: Agelvik
Published By: Ratalaika Games
Categories: First Person Shooter
Release Date: 10.14.22

I don’t even know where to begin with God Damn the Garden. At all. But I’m strangely entranced by it.

Do the words low poly, low res texture, arcade, first person shooter mean a thing to you? No? Well shit. If yes, then you are going to be enamored by God Damn the Garden. You’re in a cave…garden…forests. It’s dark and spooky, it’s probably all three. You have your ammo, your health, of which you can refill with plants, and you’re let loose.

You move slow, everything else moves rather fast and hits rather hard, so I didn’t exactly find this game fun. The core of the gameplay is fine enough, but it’s frustrating. Rooms all really look exactly the same, it doesn’t feel good to shoot enemies, especially when they can kill you near instantly. You’ll find webs that can constrict your movement, and in some cases you NEED to go through them. Gets worse when enemies are just BOLTING at you. Hope you went to a checkpoint nearby. However, there was just something that kept me playing.

Just the utter nonsensical writing this game has magnetized me. There’s a handful of NPCs, a collection of creatures who aren’t out to kill you. They’ll tell you important info, but also a lot of bizarre nonsense. Or they just word everything silly. Each of them has a little sound that plays before their dialog, which is unrelated, but does make me giggle. Also, one of them is Big Floppa (just google it). In general just how bizarre the game is as a whole just tickles my fancy.

The music is a atmospheric I mentioned how much I like the graphics, right? Well here’s a reminder. I really dig the whole low poly look. To hell with people who can’t play games with graphics that aren’t modern.

So what does this all mean? You should still play this game. I personally don’t believe the game design fits for *me* , but I don’t think this a bad game. At all. I know for a fact hardcore FPS junkies will gel with this game a lot more than I do. My fondness comes from everything not the gameplay. I just love that goofy “shitpost” humor.

3.5/5

Buy Now: $4.99

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*Game Download Code graciously provided for the purpose of review